Do You Realize What Today Is???

Today is the last day of my Chantix haze and the first day of my smoke free and drug free life.

12 weeks ago I started taking that little blue pill and hoping that today would become a reality.

I've been cutting down on my dose over the last few weeks and took the last 1/2 a pill this morning.

I did it. I really did it.

I didn't think I had what it takes to quit forever.

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999!

Ok, actually we're going to eat leftovers and drive my daughter to soccer practice, but you know what I mean. ;)

Hhhmmm...I wonder what else I could do if I set my mind to it?!?

Yep, It's Really Me!

Over 9 weeks smoke free and going strong. I actually thought about posting on here a few times (for the two people who actually used to read my blog!), but I forgot my user name and password. That's one of the Chantix side effects...loss of short term memory!

I am really a non-smoker. I am doing the "phase-out" of Chantix and have been cutting back on my dose each week. I am currently on 1/2 a pill twice a day, but will go to 1/2 a pill once a day in the morning. I am on week 10 of taking Chantix and I am really ready to be done with it.

It has been an amazing drug for me and made quiting possible, but there have been some side effects that I am ready to be rid of.

My mind has been in a fog for two months. I'm tired and crabby. Now, you could say that those are the side effects from nicotine withdrawal, but here's the thing...twice I have forgotten to take my dose of Chantix and I only realized it when I began wondering why I felt so good!

The other ongoing side effect I've had is constipation. I haven't had a good poop in two months, seriously. As a result, I've had lots of stomach pain, bloating and gas. I have gained 5 pounds, but I can live with that.

I hope that once the drug is out of my system I return to the normal, happy, pooping me I was before - minus the nicotine addiction.

It's official!

I am pleased and proud to announce that I am officially a nonsmoker. Can you even believe it?!?

My daughter was in a soccer tournament this weekend. It was very exciting and stressful as a parent. Her team won her division. I had not one single urge to smoke or thought about smoking.

Then, we were invited to two parties. One was a soccer team celebration and the other was a photo road rally. We did the road rally with a brief stop at the soccer party. I figured that at some point I was going to have to break down and have a drink and just see what happened. So, after winning the road rally (yeah us!) I celebrated with a martini or four or maybe six. Guess what? Not even one single urge to smoke.

I rock. And, Chantix rocks. Seriously. I want to track down the geeky lab coat guy who invented this stuff and plant a big fat wet one on his lips.

I have tried in the past to quit smoking and failed miserably.

I feel like I have actually beat this thing and I can't wait to see what the rest of my life has in store for me! :)

Are all nonsmokers this stupid?

I've noticed an interesting side effect of quitting smoking/taking Chantix.

For the last few weeks, I have been unable to have a complete thought or remember anything more then my name, rank and serial number.

Seriously, It's like I've swallowed a stupid pill. And I'm afraid it may be a little blue stupid pill.

I'm talking about stuff like going to the movie rental place to return the movies, but realizing after I'm in the store that I forget them at home. Making a list for the grocery store, but still forgetting to buy 10 items on the list because I lost the list 1/2 way through shopping. Missing conference calls and play dates completely. Forgetting to pick up kids for soccer practice. Completely forgetting the names of people I have known for years, so I have resorted to calling everyone "Honey" and "Sweetie" and "What's-His-Name".

It's either early dementia or just a serious case of stupid. I'm just praying that it's temporary and will go away soon!

Stress

I'm not having a good day.

I'm pretty stressed out.

It's over something stupid.

Something I can't control.

So I want to smoke.

I know it won't make it better,

but I still want to smoke.

Being a parent isn't fun sometimes.

I hate stress.

But, I hate smoking even more.

I won't smoke.

But, I really, really want to right now.

On The Side

I just wanted to do a quick update on my side effects from Chantix:

Nausea - Is under control. I have my diet down pat and on the few occasions now where I'm feeling a little off after I take the pill I just grab a quick snack and it goes away. It's funny, because eating is the last thing I feel like doing when I'm nauseous, but it works!

Constipation - Is an on going battle. I used to be a cool hip smoker who did shots of tequila and laughed in the face of cancer. Now, I'm a Chantix addicted old lady non-smoker who does shots of Metamucil fiber therapy to stay regular. I need to get my groove back!

Nightmares - Have gone away, at least for now. In my very unscientific study, I noticed that when I stopped taking the anti-anxiety pills (after our trip to Tennessee) the nightmares stopped. Now, I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I'm thinking the nightmares weren't from the Chantix. I still have the "vivid dreams" and frequently wake up during the night to go potty (damn all that healthy water I'm drinking), but I am actually getting some sleep.

Are the side effects worth it? You bet your bippy! :)

Another Day...Nothing to Say

Two weeks smoke free...Yeah me!

I feel this sense of obligation to my blog. It's like I can't let my blog down by not posting for a day even though nothing much is going on. I am a tad quirky, aren't I?

Urges are less frequent and controllable. The key for me is to keep busy and breath through them.

Also, I've noticed that the honeymoon is over. When I finally broke down and told everyone that I quit, it was high fives and congratulations all around. Now, I'm just expected to stay quit. No one asks how I'm doing with it...it's like it's done and over with. But, I'm still battling every day.

I guess it's one of those things that you don't understand unless you've gone through it.

I'm also finding those "Get Quit" emails from the Chantix people to be a little annoying. Today's said something like, "If you slip up, don't quit quiting". Ummm, I haven't slipped up. Are you giving me permission to? Gee, That's helpful!

OK, I think I sound a little cranky today. I'm not sure who pissed in my cornflakes, but I will work on an attitude adjustment before my next entry. Deal? Deal!

Weight Gain

I've been a non-smoker on Chantix for 13 days and I've had to change my eating habits for the pills. They have to be taken on a full stomach, so I've added an entire meal (breakfast) to my normal routine.

I just had the guts to step on a scale. Guess how much I've gained?

Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Still 125 pounds. The same weight I've been for the last 6 years.

So, if you're reading this and still coming up with excuses for why you won't give Chantix a try, you can cross that little worry off the list.

I think all of the walking and water must help. What a relief! :)

By George, I think I've got it!

We're back home again from a smoke and drink free for me wacky weekend!

We had a ton of fun, but came home stinky and tired. It's been a pretty lazy day of napping and unpacking.

I've noticed one thing that I wanted to note: It's much easier to not smoke when I'm not home. As soon as I walk in the door I want to head out to my little happy place in the garage and light up.

I can go for an entire day with hardly an urge, but as soon as I hit home-sweet-home it hits.

I think I need to run away from home at 41. Either that or move.

Also, I still feel like a smoker who's not smoking.

I made a promise to myself before I even quit that I was going to reward my success. I'm going to call in the morning and schedule a little massage for sometime this week.

'Cause you know what? I deserve it! ;)

On the road again...

It's Friday, so I'm back in the office at work clearing the crap off of my desk, voicemail and e-mail so that we can head up north this afternoon for more fun in the sun.

Regarding the drinking and smoking issue...here's what I have decided:

1. I didn't have a drink last night because I didn't trust myself not to smoke.
2. If I didn't trust myself last night, it's highly unlikely that I will trust myself tonight or tomorrow, either.

Let me tell you a quick little tale about the man I married. When we were packing up last night, I asked him if I should bring beer or Captain Morgans and Coke for him to drink this weekend. He asked what I was drinking and I told him I wasn't and why. He said he wasn't going to drink anything either then.

Don't you just love him? I was a pretty smart chick 18 years ago when I took him off the market!

So, I will designate myself as the responsible adult this weekend and I will behave myself for a change.

I hope. ;)

Last Call for Alcohol

Right now
He's probably buying her some
Fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey...

I love that song and I don't even like country. I'm a classic rocker in real life.

Let's chat about drinking. I am a serious social drinker. When we get together with friends, the cocktails flow. I, personally, like drinks that don't really taste like drinks. Fruity martinis. Frosty frozen rummy drinks. And, my current beverage of choice poolside...pink lemonade with Absolute Citroen.

When I drink, I smoke. They go hand in hand. Like Sonny and Cher. Like bread and butter. Like...well..like drinking and smoking.

We are spending the weekend up north with 70 of our closest friends. I know, I know...we just got back from vacation. I lead a tough life, don't I?!?

There will be drinking involved. Lots of it.

Can I handle drinking without smoking? Should I have a little cocktail at home tonight and see how I react? Or, is drinking just another bad habit that will have to go bye-bye with the butts?

Why do I ask questions that there is no answer to and no one to answer?

Hmmmm. I wonder.

Side Effects

Chantix really is a great drug that has made quitting so much easier then going cold turkey. But, to be honest, I have had some side effects.

1. Nausea - I had no problems with nausea in the beginning, but the last two days haven't been fun. It hits within minutes of taking the pill, even on a full stomach with 12 ounces of water. I'm hoping it's just a phase!

2. Constipation - When I first started taking Chantix, I had some diarrhea. Now, I'm stopped up like the Hoover Dam. My input is greatly exceeding my output and it's getting pretty uncomfortable. I'm hoping that being home and on a more "regular" diet will help pop the plug. Too much information? Hey, poop is a big topic of conversation in our family. Now people can tell me I'm full of crap and it's actually the truth!

3. Nightmares - During my research before starting on Chantix, lots of people talked about their "vivid dreams". To me, that didn't sound like a really bad thing. Unfortunately, my "vivid dreams" have actually been pretty crazy nightmares. Bad nightmares. Like Nazi's trying to kill me type of stuff. I've actually sat up screaming in bed, totally freaking my husband out. Last night wasn't really bad. It just involved rats crawling all over my body while I kept yelling "Call the exterminator, damn it!" And, seriously, that's about the best night's sleep I've had in the past week.

So, to sum thing up, quiting smoking with Chantix hasn't been all sunshine and daisy's for me. I'm bloated and crabby from sleep deprivation, but I'm a non-smoker bloated and crabby from sleep deprivation. It's worth it.

Home Sweet Home

We're back from our little family gathering in Tennessee and I am pleased and proud to say that today is my one week anniversary of being smoke free!

I'll update some more on Thursday, but so far so good. :)

Work Stress

Did you miss me?

Today I actually have to work for a living. I'm hiding in my office blogging because the owner of the company and the office manager are screaming at each other. I'm the vice president, so I'm afraid they're going to drag me into their drama. If I just keep typing away, maybe they'll think I'm really busy doing something important, like making money for the company!

I won't be blogging for awhile because we're heading out on vacation tonight and I won't have access to a computer. I'm packing my willpower, my Chantix and my sense of humor.

Hopefully, that will be enough to get me through the next five days!

Energy

What happened to all of that fantastic energy I had on Wednesday? Today I am really dragging. Really, really dragging. Like need to go lay down for awhile dragging.

I think I'll just go rest my eyes for a bit.

Secrets

I decided to tell my husband and daughter that I quit smoking last night at dinner. I'm feeling pretty confident that this is it for me, so I wanted to ask for their support.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: Want to hear my big news?

Daughter: Is it about me? (because everything is all about her in her little 8 year old mind)

Me: No, honey bunny, it's my big news.

Husband: Are you pregnant?

Me: Yeah, right. (brilliant guess, vasectomy boy. If I was pregnant, it obviously wouldn't be yours, so I don't think I'd share that particular news over a family dinner of burgers and pasta salad!)

Husband: You got a raise?

Me: I just got a raise a few months ago!

Husband: You quit smoking?

Me: Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

He went out later and bought me flowers. Of course, in his mind, anytime he does something nice for me I should immediately have an uncontrollable urge to "spunky his monkey". Um, not tonight dear. I have a headache. And, that ain't no lie!

I love you
You love me
We're a happy family...

Questions...

I'm breathing through the cravings and keeping busy to keep my mind off of smoking, but here's the thing...

Are the cravings going to ever stop or will I always feel like a smoker who isn't smoking? Do they become less frequent? Less intense?

I have a bit of a headache right now. I think my brain is going to explode from all of the oxygen I'm taking in!

I also ate a lot today. Too much. But, you know what? It's day one, so I'm going to cut myself a little slack.

I have had zero moodiness today. If anything, I've actually been more patient with my daughter. What's up with that?

It's still all good. And, you know what? This is much easier so far than I ever thought it would be.

There's Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

Or, something like that! I can't remember the exact saying, but it's true!

I smoked my last cigarette last night at 11 pm. I kept two for this morning, just in case I needed them when I got up.

Ya know what?

I didn't need them! I think I'm going to flush them away and say "Na-na-na-na-na-na"!

I made it through my whole morning routine without a puff. I took deep breaths and, strangely enough, sang a lot and loudly. I can't sing, so this could be the next annoying habit that I need to break. My daughter kept looking at me strangely, like I gave up cigarettes for crack for something.

Has it been easy? No, but it certainly hasn't been hard, either. I'm not naive enough to think that there aren't going to be bumps in the road, but for right now I'm in a pretty good mental place and I'm feeling fine.

11 hours smoke free. Who'd of thunk?

I'm keeping busy today, but I'll pop in with updates. First stop is the car wash for a complete scrub down inside and out. Imagine, a stink free car!

Keep the happy thoughts coming my way! :)

Tomorrow

Everybody sing!

Tomorrow
Tomorrow
I quit smoking
Tomorrow
It's only a day away!

Don't I sound all chipper and excited?

I'm not. I'm stressed and not overly confident at the moment. And, truth be told, I'm getting a little pissed off at me.

But, I'm going to be the little engine that could.

I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...

Keeping Secrets

I haven't told many people that I am quitting smoking. Just two girlfriends.

I haven't told my husband because I don't want to disappoint him. I know how much he wants me to quit, but I really want to quit for myself. Does that make sense?

You know those people that go on a diet, lose 2 pounds, and reward themselves with a hot fudge sundae? Then, they go on a different diet, lose 3 pounds, and then quit because it's just too hard.

I don't want to be one of those people. When I quit, I'm done. In the past I've even been too afraid to try quitting. Just thinking about it would stress me out enough that I needed a cigarette. I have issues, I tell ya!

I just read a great little saying on a message board that really hit home for me.

"I'm one puff away from a pack a day."

That, my dear friends, is my new life motto.